Everything Binary
1. I Named Her Gigi
She spun like a gypsy on the Métro platform, dancing to some inaudible soundtrack, her eyes glazed over, steel in her grasp and then, from behind me, another crack switched her off. Even though I come from New York, I hadn't seen anyone get shot before. I named her Gigi.
2. The Detective
Outside, the detective asked if I knew the drogué. Guessing at the vocab, I shook my head, no. He asked if I was American. I nodded. He asked me my age. I said I was twenty-three. He asked if I wanted to know her name. I shook my head again.
3. Getting Back
I decided to walk to my hotel in the hope that the wind rushing along Boulevard Saint-Germain would clear my head. Instead, the final moments of Gigi's dance consumed my thoughts, so much so that it took a mile for me to realize I was walking in the wrong direction.
4. Translation
The concierge fetched my key without me having to give my room number. He gruffly muttered something that I struggled to translate, so I just nodded, smiled and wished him bonne-nuit. While I waited on the elevator, I worked out that he'd said he thought I was a ghost.
5. Insomnia
At three o'clock, I gave up on sleep and stood at my window, watching the plane trees along the avenue bristle in the breeze. As the winds angered, the trees began to dance. I held my breath while I watched and cried. Mornings always dawn, I thought. Winds always die.
6. Morning News
I was one of the first customers in the café that morning. I bought three newspapers, a coffee and a croque-monsieur. For an hour, while my breakfast got cold, I searched the papers for something about yesterday's incident in the Odéon Métro station but it was like it hadn't happened.
7. Killing An Afternoon
That afternoon, I returned to the station, looking for something that would let me box everything up but all I found was a section of cordoned-off platform and that didn't help at all. As I left, I saw a girl hanging around the exit. Her eyes were puffy, red, familiar.
8. Shadowing
I didn't name the girl I presumed to be Gigi's sister, but I followed her when it got late and she abandoned her position near the ticket machine. She walked with her head down and chain-smoked cigarettes. She never looked back. I'm sure she knew I was her shadow.
9. Illuminated Deconstruction
It was dark when the girl stopped at a phone booth in the Latin Quarter and for an hour I watched her under the fluorescent light while she talked, listened and broke down. When she finished and came out, she stared straight at me until I offered her a smile.
10. Encounter Outside A Phone Booth In The Latin Quarter
In uneasy French, I explained how I was at the Métro yesterday and I couldn't get it out of my head and I hadn't been able to eat or sleep since. She didn't say anything for the longest time and then when she finally spoke, it wasn't what I expected.
11. Forks
People make bad decisions, she said in English, and they choose the wrong fork in the path and usually it doesn't matter but it only needs to matter once and then paths become lost and forks distort. I drew breath to respond. She'd already turned away. I let her go.
12. Loop
Her words filled me up until her words were all I had. I replayed our brief exchange on a continuous loop while I walked back to the hotel and once I got there, I understood as much as I was ever likely to. I just hoped that would be enough.
13. Everything
Pushing down the plunger on a syringe. Picking up a knife. Going down. Pulling the trigger. Choosing direction. Smiling at sad girls. Wanting to miss home. Checking out. Ordering breakfast. Needing a crutch. Being anxious about leaving. Remembering old telephone numbers. Asking for help. Being terrified. Avoidance. My reaction. Everything.
14. Binary
Eventually, it dawned on me that it all boils down to a one or a zero, a yes or a no, an on or an off, open or closed, living or dead and it applies to everything. But it wasn't something I discovered until much later, after I'd gone home.
Gavin Broom lives in the Scottish countryside with his wife and his cat. Publications featuring his work include SFX, Bound Off, Menda City Review, Flashquake and Espresso Fiction. He currently doesn't own a house at the beach. Further evidence can be collected at www.gavinbroom.co.uk.