For Ill Mothers
Tea can be made in the evenings for ill mothers, but steep too long and the water turns grainy and bitter and unwanted by ill mothers. Between sips she knits a scarf and I wrap it around her, a beautiful scarf makes a beautiful mummy. We talk and sip tea, green tea with lemon, tea for the daughter too, a bit stronger but weakening.
The leaves are falling, but she's seen the news. She wants to go to the ocean, doesn't care that the water's salty, grainy and bitter, steeped with seaweed. She would not like the ocean, there's no time for the ocean, but she insists: she wants to hold it in her mouth, feel the dry-wetness, the cave of her cheeks. We face each other on one couch, drinking our tea. My husband brings stacks of old newspapers from the garage when the conversation falters. He's very kind and perceptive but will not look at my mother, will not drink our tea. We skim the newspapers, cold, damp, and mouse-eaten; she mentions the water words, counts them: 32 she finds in fifteen minutes. Coffee and waves, high-tide and swimming, rain, storm clouds, and high condensation. She stalls at the weather, looking at the map. I turn the page when she asks so she won't stop her knitting. The room is warm; we steam from the tea. So what about the ocean?
The ocean is unlikely as she is already ill and shrivelled and soaked long enough. You do not trust the salt, she accuses, and I admit I do not trust the salt.
The scarf grows longer and longer, covers her feet, her ankles, her legs, her thighs. Her loose naked breasts are buried in goose-bumps, but she insists: you start with the feet so the corpse-to-be-mummied can't run away. My husband brings me my dinner, but I wave it away. He does not look at my mother. My mother will be here until. He knows this, he is perceptive, and he won't drink our tea.
Jessica Hollander is currently pursuing her MFA at the University of Alabama. Her work has appeared or is forthcoming in Quarterly West, Hayden's Ferry Review, Hobart, Opium, and Barrelhouse, among others. You can visit her at jessicahollanderwriter.com.